5 Steps to Help Your Child Self-Regulate using Vagus Nerve Techniques: Polyvagal Theory for Parents
What Does the Vagus Nerve have to do with Polyvagal Theory?
There’s a nerve running information from your child’s brain to their gut and back–the vagus nerve. This information tells your child if a situation or environment is unsafe. Because this is an automatic response, your child’s body and mind may react negatively to situations that are safe but don’t feel safe. These false unsafe feelings may be based on subconscious negative associations or nervous system dysregulation.
Polyvagal theory recognizes three main states of the autonomic nervous system. These states are relaxed, mobilized, and immobilized. Key body responses of each state involve changes in…
Heart rate
Blood pressure
Muscle tone
Energy level
Hormone flow
According to Polyvagal Theory, when your child is relaxed, these body responses are normal and regulated—but when your child experiences a trigger, they’ll be immobilized or mobilized.
Immobilized
Characterized by withdrawal
Low energy and muscle tone
Associated emotions: hopelessness, sadness, loneliness
Mobilized
Characterized by action, the “fight, flight, freeze” response
Increased heart rate, blood pressure, hormone flow, muscle tone
Associated emotions: fear, stress, and anxiety
Polyvagal Theory suggests the nervous system responds to stress at an automatic, unconscious level in the mind and body. Triggers in your child’s environment affect their nervous system. When your child is triggered by a stressor in their environment, your child’s nervous system automatically reacts with physical body responses. These body responses influence emotional and behavioral responses.
How Do Vagus Nerve Techniques and Polyvagal Theory Apply to My Child?
The false unsafe signals your child’s nervous system receives make everyday life difficult. When your child’s body and mind are on high alert, they’re unable to interact with peers effectively. They may have a hard time getting ready for the day. Paying attention in class?--not a priority when your brain and body are convinced something is about to harm you.
Conditions involving nervous system dysregulation–like anxiety, depression, PTSD–are distracting and disorienting.
As a parent, caretaker, or guardian, you can help your child identify triggers and understand their reactions. You can guide them through practical techniques to rewire their thinking and redirect their body’s responses. This will help them re-learn what “safe” feels like and manage triggers effectively. When your child can manage their triggers effectively, they have the freedom to be a kid.
5 Steps to Help Your Child Self-Regulate
1. Don’t Rule Out “The Ridiculous”
Triggers can be all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. Nothing is too “ridiculous” to rule out. Triggers could be a loud noise like a hairdryer. A trigger could be a smell–like a certain laundry detergent or soap. It could be the feeling of walking in crowds or being in open spaces.
Triggers can also be internal–thinking about past trauma and reliving it through intrusive memories.
We can’t know the level of inner turmoil a child experiences as a result of triggers–we just see body responses if they’re observable. We can only imagine what their internal stress responses are like based on what they tell us. Let go of assumptions to make better observations.
2. Observe The Automatic
Your child’s nervous system has automatic reactions to triggers. This may result in behaviors like fearful withdrawal, emotional outbursts, or aggression. This is not their conscious decision and–although it’s their responsibility to learn how to manage triggers–it’s not their fault.
Because this is an unconscious process started by the autonomic nervous system, your child may not realize their physical, emotional, and mental reactions until a situation escalates. They may not notice how their body feels different in response to a stressor or what they were thinking prior to a behavioral response.
Pay close attention to when, where, and how your child has stress responses. Note situational and environmental patterns. This will help you guide your child so they can recognize their own stressors. Once they’re aware of stressors, they can learn how to manage their body responses, mental and emotional responses, and behavioral responses.
Does your child tend to fight, flight, or freeze?
Fight – an active safety strategy involving a verbal or physical offense
Flight – a defensive safety strategy involving withdrawal
Freeze – a shutdown safety strategy involving inner conflict but no external offensive or defensive action
3. Ask Self-Awareness Questions
You’ve identified possible stressors for your child. Step two–done. Now it’s time to help your child understand their body’s response to stressful situations. This doesn’t just help your child recognize when their body is feeling different–it helps them learn to communicate their needs. You can ask questions right after your child encounters a situation that triggers past trauma or is generally stressful.
“Do you notice anything different in your body when __________ happens?”
“Does your heart beat faster in____________ situations?
“Does your stomach or head feel sick when you’re around ___________?
“Are your fists clenched or do you feel tight in your body after __________?
“Do you notice you’re breathing faster than usual?”
“Do you feel unsafe when you’re around _________? Do you think you’re actually safe? Why or why not?”
4. Offer Options for Self-regulation.
You’ve helped your child learn different ways their body feels when it’s stressed. Now you can offer options to help them manage the stress. Talk about these and practice them with your child so they are comfortable and understand how to use them.
If you need assistance, occupational therapists trained in polyvagal techniques or who have experience in trauma-informed care can offer additional support. Helping Hands Therapy Services also offers a Vagus Nerve Master Class For Parents. This class provides intensive training for parents who want to apply polyvagal techniques to help their children reduce anxiety and learn self-regulation. Click the link to sign up or learn more.
In the meantime, here are some strategies to help your child self-regulate…
Diaphragmatic Breathing – this is slow, controlled breathing from the belly. You can find this spot by coughing. Try it out–go ahead and cough. Notice the muscles tighten deep in your stomach? Those are the muscles you’ll use for diaphragmatic breathing.
Mindfulness Breathing – this combines diaphragmatic breathing with a visual. A common mindfulness breathing exercise is “lazy-8 breathing.” To use lazy 8 breathing, point your finger in front of you to draw a sideways 8 in the air. Breathe in when you draw up and breathe out when you draw down. Fully and slowly inhale when drawing the up portions of the 8. Fully and slowly exhale when drawing the down portions.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation – this mindfulness activity involves strategic tightening of muscles from head to toe. This strategy increases body awareness, relaxes muscles, and calms the nervous system.
Tapping and EFT – the emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an evidence-based strategy for managing anxiety. The three main components of EFT are the exposure statement, acceptance statement, and body-targeted stress reduction.
This method is rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps your child…
Acknowledge their fears and triggers
Affirm their identity apart from their negative emotional state
Address the physical body responses to stress and reduce it
To use this method, have your child…
Use a “set-up” statement like, “I have anxiety about _________”
Follow with a reframing or acceptance statement like, “but I accept myself.”
Use tapping on specific pressure point areas during these statements to calm the nervous system.
Movement – gross motor movement is a sensory-based strategy that decreases anxiety. Any sort of heavy work or activities or activities that increase pressure on your child’s joints are effective for reducing anxiety.
Some examples of heavy work activities are…
Wall push-ups
Running
Jumping jacks
Pushing, pulling, or lifting heavy items
Walking up and down the hallway with a full backpack
Wheelbarrow races
Pressing hands together or tightening muscles–like in progressive muscle relaxation
5. Encourage Social Connections.
Help your child identify positive social opportunities. Encourage them to initiate and maintain these connections even when it’s difficult. There is a strong correlation between social connectivity and mental health–this includes nervous system responses.
Some ideas for positive social opportunities include…
After School Clubs
Community Gardening
Sports
Volunteering
Church Activities
Community Center Activities
Library Events
Game Nights
Helping Hands Therapy Services offers social skills groups and other peer-based therapy groups. These groups help your child develop and practice social skills and life skills in a positive, supportive environment.
Click here to learn more.
Extra Strategies to Self-Regulate
Here are additional strategies to help your child reduce anxiety and manage triggers. A licensed occupational therapist is qualified to tailor these strategies to your child’s specific needs and environments.
Momentary Distancing — if your child encounters a trigger that’s dysregulating, let them know it’s okay to take a few minutes. They can walk away from the situation to self-regulate. They can also take this time to use other strategies you, a counselor, or an occupational therapist has practiced with them.
Safe Spaces – have planned “safe spaces” for your child to retreat to–spaces that are quiet, with dim light, and access to comfort items. You can work with your child and occupational therapist to identify age-appropriate and setting-appropriate “safe spaces” for each of their daily environments–like home, school, work, and during social outings.
Active Engagement in Meaningful Activity — after your child has used self-regulation strategies, they need to return to their prior activity or environment as long as they can tolerate it and it’s actually safe*–this is a form of gradual exposure. Engagement in meaningful activity is important to maintain a regulated state.
*If your child isn’t sure a situation is actually safe, let them know they can always ask a trusted adult–identify these trusted adults with your child.
Low Sound Frequencies – Safe and Sound Protocol is an adjunct therapy. It stimulates the vagus nerve and reduces anxiety through repeated exposure to low sound frequencies. Appropriate use of this program can be taught and implemented with the assistance of an occupational therapist.
We’re Here for You
If you're struggling with managing your child’s triggers, please know you’re not alone. Helping Hands Therapy Services offers training, individual therapy, group therapy, and free resources.
If you feel you need individual, additional support, please contact us to schedule an appointment.
We work hard to be here for you as you do the most important work–holding the hands that hold our tomorrow.
References
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9840127/
https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8272667/
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/anxiety-in-children-2018081414532
Blog written and formatted by Victoria S. Eilers, COTA/L
Practicing Occupational Therapy Assistant, and Copywriter at The Copywriting COTA
